I believe that nothing is worse than the news that your life is threatened. I lie! Worse is when someone, out of ignorance, incapacity or irresponsibility, makes this threat absolute, unmistakable.
I was surprised not
that "something abnormal" had lodged in my throat, but because that
"something" had overcome my will and decision to stay alive.
Suddenly, the words of old Spinoza occurred to me: “The being wants to remain
in itself”.
I often went in and
out of doctors' offices; different exams were required. In this constant
pilgrimage, someone raised his voice opposing the diagnosis. The phrase
beginning with “I think it's strange” no longer meant evil, but rather a way to
preserve myself. That voice that declared otherwise acted on me; conduct based
on experience, knowledge, wisdom, prudence.
A certain joy invaded
me, but the “I find it strange” needed to be explained. I find myself
threatened by suspicion; they gave me the benefit of the doubt. However, there
is still “something abnormal”, but how to get it out?
Moreover, even after removed,
can we declare it extinct? Only in this way can what is behind the “abnormal”
reveal itself.
In the most chaotic
way, I realize what I am very Cartesian about: if we are not sure of anything,
we methodically doubt its existence.
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