quinta-feira, 3 de junho de 2021

Me and the imponderable

 

I believe that nothing is worse than the news that your life is threatened. I lie! Worse is when someone, out of ignorance, incapacity or irresponsibility, makes this threat absolute, unmistakable.

I was surprised not that "something abnormal" had lodged in my throat, but because that "something" had overcome my will and decision to stay alive. Suddenly, the words of old Spinoza occurred to me: “The being wants to remain in itself”.

I often went in and out of doctors' offices; different exams were required. In this constant pilgrimage, someone raised his voice opposing the diagnosis. The phrase beginning with “I think it's strange” no longer meant evil, but rather a way to preserve myself. That voice that declared otherwise acted on me; conduct based on experience, knowledge, wisdom, prudence.

A certain joy invaded me, but the “I find it strange” needed to be explained. I find myself threatened by suspicion; they gave me the benefit of the doubt. However, there is still “something abnormal”, but how to get it out?

Moreover, even after removed, can we declare it extinct? Only in this way can what is behind the “abnormal” reveal itself.

In the most chaotic way, I realize what I am very Cartesian about: if we are not sure of anything, we methodically doubt its existence.

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